When Parents Don't Parent . . .

It saddens me to see a young woman head down the wrong path in life.
And it saddens me even more when this young woman is someone I love dearly and that I'm very close to.
The thing that saddens me the most is that she is right now crying out for attention.
Her parents, as many young people's are, are divorced. Both parents love her dearly, there's no doubt about that.
But sadly, she doesn't see her father as often as she could or should.
That leaves her mother.
Her mother loves her very much. But her mother has issues of her own. And, sadly, the young woman I speak of is very affected by these issues.
Her mother is often in bed, in fact, her mother (according to her children) is in bed more often than not - sleeping both the day and the night away. This leaves her children to fend for themselves.
And, of course, when you have a teenage daughter with no adult supervision . . .
I am praying hard for this young woman because I know all the wonderful things she is inside.
She is a talented artist.
She is a caring, loving person.
She is a devout Christian.
She is amazingly smart.
And I also know that she is hurting inside, aching so badly for the positive attention that she is not getting.
I pray that she finds herself and realizes where this path will lead her.
Before it's too late.

This is a hard lesson for parents.
So often we want to push our children into being responsible, before they're actually ready to be responsible.
Please, mom's, dad's . . .
Let your babies be babies.
And, for their sake,
PLEASE be a parent.

Marriage Minded Monday - Parenting Styles

One of the biggest disagreements between couples is parenting.
Spouse A thinks they should talk things out with Billy when he breaks the window. Spouse B thinks Billy needs a spanking.
Spouse A thinks that Suzie should be grounded because she talked back. Spouse B thinks it's not THAT big a deal.

Any of this sound familiar to you?

One thing that our children must ALWAYS understand is that we parents are going to back each other up 100%. Children have to feel that their parents are a unit - supportive of each other and on each other's side.
But what happens when parents don't always agree on discipline?

This is a problem in so many households. Chances are, if you have children, you and your spouse will disagree on how to parent them - at least somewhat.

So what's the solution?

Compromise and secrecy is key in situations like this.
Compromise between parents and secrecy from the kids, that is.

First off, there has to be a common ground on how to handle any given situation. Let's say you want to spank your child, but your spouse is a talker. A good compromise would be to have a "three strikes" kind of rule - the first two offenses (of the same kind) receive a good lecture and/or grounding with a warning that the third time will result in a spanking. The child will know what is coming ahead of time, so when that third offense inevitably comes, the corporal punishment occurs.

There also has to be some form of compromise on rules of the household. For example, one parent wants the children to only play video games on the weekends - when they don't have homework. Another parent thinks that kids playing during the week isn't a big deal. So the compromise - the child may only play video games during the week for one hour or less, and only after homework and chores have been confirmed done.

As for secrecy - let's face it, if children knew that parents didn't agree on discipline and punishment, they'd certainly use it to their benefit. Children can be quite manipulative, after all, and many love to put parent against parent in "the punishment war". This is why compromise and secrecy are so important.

The final key to the puzzle of parenting together is consistency. This is, of course, is a given even when there's not disagreement. Misbehavior increases in situations where consistency is a problem. Why? Because they feel that "I got away with it that one time - let's see if I can get away with it again!"

Now, this will not guarantee anything in the area of your children. (Children will test the waters to see how far they can push someone, and they are curious about their world. So occasional misbehavior is a given. If your child becomes a "behavior problem" you should certainly seek the help of a professional.) But if your marriage is constantly "on the rocks" because you and your spouse can't seem to get on the same page, you might try talking all of it over after the kids go to bed, and writing out behaviors and disciplines together. Parenting together is hard, but the results are so rewarding.

Do You Discipline?

This week I am linking up (for the first time) with Blogging Guru and SITs Girl Extrodinarre Mama Kat of Mama's Losin' It. 

Each week Mama Kat has a list of blogging prompts to chose from and write about. 

Then link up on Thursday and join the chaos fun!
Here's her post for this week.

This week I chose this particular promt:

Name a pet peeve you have about how other parents raise their kids. Go on…stir the pot.

This is something that has truly been weighing on my heart lately.

I have watched many people that I love dearly mess up their lives and their children's lives by neglecting to do one simple, yet important, thing:

DISCIPLINE

Many parents today think that it's okay to let your children have control and that it's okay for them to run amok and do whatever their little hearts desire because, well, "they're only kids". Then when their children get older and begin to get out of control, they try to pawn them off onto other people because they can no longer handle them.

If you had only disciplined your child from the get-go, you wouldn't be having this problem, now, would you?

I'm not talking about yelling or spanking your child when they do something wrong, but I do feel that children NEED to be corrected and suffer consequences for their actions. And, contrary to belief, "talking" to a child is NOT a consequence! Feel free to take away a privilege (or ten), put a child in time-out (age appropriate time length, please: 1 minute for each year of age), have them write sentences or a lengthy apology note, give them extra chores, and yes, when it is warranted, it is okay to spank your kids!

The book of Proverbs states: "He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24). This means that if you are not showing your children when they are doing wrong, and correcting them you are doing them more harm than good!

THIS is why we have a larger amount of wayward teens now than ever before.

THIS is why your child shows you little to no respect.

THIS is why children everywhere are disrespectful to each other and to adults.

Parents, for all that is holy, PLEASE learn to discipline your children!

What Happened to My Life . . ?

It's inevitable in most families . . . 

The morning will be going well - everyone's quiet and sweet.

Then suddenly . . .

all h-e-double-hockey-sticks breaks loose. 

One child is on the floor crying because another child pushed them out of a chair.

Another child is crying because they can't get their shoes on.

Another one is yelling at the first crying child because they wouldn't "get out" of his/her chair . . .

And this always happens as I you are trying to get them out the door.

I used to be a morning person.

I used to love to sit with my coffee and my bible, read every morning, maybe hop on the elliptical.

Not lately.

Now I dread every second because I am fully aware that as soon as those kids wake up, my peace and quiet is over.

I used to be able to watch whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

Now it's SpongeBob and Bubble Guppies

I used to sing - I was on stage on many country opry's around North Texas.

Now I know every song in every kids show that airs today.

And quite a few from the past five years.

I remember how many hopes and dreams I used to have.

I wanted to sing professionally.

I wanted to act.

I wanted to be a photographer.

Now I'm lucky if I get through all the housework in a day.

I often sit and wonder . . .

What happened to my life?

Then my three year old walks up to me.

Wraps his little arms around me and says:

"Mama, I yuv yoo"

"Oh, yeah," 

I think as I squeeze him back, my heart filling with joy and love . . .

"THAT'S what happened to my life."

And I wouldn't change a thing.

Raising a Child With Encopresis . . .

This is such a personal issue. I almost didn't blog about it. But then I realized how important this topic really is and how much it is overlooked in the mainstream.

My child lives with a disorder called encopresis.
If you don't know what encopresis is, you can Google it and get a wealth of information.
These sites will give you the ins and outs of the physiology of it all - how it's caused by constipation and a blockage in the lower colon. Or how it is liquefied fecal matter seeping around the blockage. Or how the lower colon will become stretched.

But what these web sites won't tell you is the emotional distress it can cause. On my child. On my family. On me. On her educators, sitters, grandparents, ANY one she comes in contact with.

They don't tell you about the embarrassment you will feel as you walk into a store with your child as they smell like a bathroom, but don't notice it because they're so used to it they can't sense it.

They don't tell you the frustration you will feel as you help your child clean themselves up for the 1000th time, or throw away three pairs of underpants in one day.

They don't tell you the anguish you will feel ans your baby girl cries on your lap, saying her friends don't want to play with her because they tell her she smells bad.

They don't tell you the anger you will feel at your child's school for not doing enough to ensure she sits on the toilet during school hours. Or the anger at her doctor for telling you to do the same treatment over. and over. again. and again.

They don't tell you about the cost of medicines, doctor's visits, x-rays, new clothes, new sheets . . .

Every day I look at my child - my unbelievable blessing - and I pray for God to PLEASE make my baby be normal again. My soul is crying out in anguish for this problem to just go away.

It is so hard to raise a child with a problem like this.
No one likes to discuss it.
No one wants to know about it.
Everyone wants to hide it and pretend it doesn't exist.

But it does exist, and it's very visible.
Thanks for listening.

Making Your Home Sing Monday! Never take them for granted . . .

Happy Monday everyone!
It's time for Making Your Home Sing Monday!

Wanna know how to make your home sing? Go visit MomsTheWord to find out how!

Someday I'll relate all the drama that is going on in our home right now. But as this is a public forum, I don't want to be accused of gossip or any mudslinging. There will be many questions and worries, I'm sure. If you want to know, feel free to email me and I'll divulge all our secret skeletons.

Short and sweet today, so to get on with it, today I am urging all of you to look at your children for who they are. Study them, get to know them. And LOVE them. Hug them every day. Tell them you love them and are there for them EVERY DAY. Play with them, spend time with them, do something special with them EVERY DAY.

Do not take any second of parenthood for granted.
Love to you all,
Have a blessed week.

Making Your Home Sing Monday! - Let Them Fly

Happy Monday Everyone! It's time for

What are you doing today to make your home sing? Visit Nan at MomsTheWord and join the fun!

In honor of my children's first day back to school, my post today is about how to help your CHILDREN to sing. By letting them go and letting them fly.

It's not easy to allow your children to fly on their own. So often parents think that it's better to hold their children close all the time - to not allow them to do things outside the home or to experience disappointment or failure.  But by shielding our children from these things, we are hindering them rather than helping them.

Our children need to be allowed to make their own choices and make their own mistakes. They won't learn if they aren't held accountable for their actions. In fact, they will go through life finding others to blame for their problems.

This morning I had a hard time following my own advice, I'll admit. 

My 14-year-old stepson has made the choice to come life with his father and I and to go to school here. This school is about twice the size of the one he's used to - more kids, more classrooms, more teachers. He knows it's a fresh start for him, in a manner of speaking (he went to school here from kindergarten through fourth grade). But it's still frightening. This morning, I looked at him beside me in the car, he was nearly paralyzed with fear. We prayed together, and I told him I loved him and that God is in control. It was all I could do not to drive off with him and say forget it! But I also know that that wouldn't do him any good (many children thrive on homeschooling and do extremely well, some do not. My step son is one of those that do not). He needed to know that I trust him enough as an individual to make good choices in his day. He needed to know that I trusted in GOD enough to help him (SS) in his day.

I am praying that he has a wonderful day.

I am praying that he makes lots of new good friends.

I am praying that he shares his faith with at least one person this school year.

I am praying that his teachers post their homework assignments where they're supposed to.

I am praying that he does well and tries to be successful.

Even if you're a homeschooler, you can still let your children fly by involving them in activities outside the home such as gymnastics, youth group or bible study, soccer, swimming, or art or music lessons. 

Today I challenge you to think about and pray about some ways you can let your children fly this week.

God bless you all!

For more about Making Your Home Sing Monday, visit MomsTheWord and link up!

TYVM!

It's time, folks, for another edition of

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Wanna play and get some free therapy? Go see KMAMA at The Daily Dribbles!

To my children for refusing to get along for longer than five minutes.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

i really didn't need to finish photoshopping those nature photos for my portfolio

To my landlord for replacing our dishwasher with the cheapest disposable model around

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

i thought the whole point of a dishwasher was that I wasn't supposed to have to do them . . . ?

To the birds who think my car is a battle zone

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

i always wanted a polka dot paint job

To mother nature for making me a woman and putting me through torture once a month

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

no, i really didn't need "special time" with DH this week

To all the authors of the photoshop "help guides" that you find all over the internet and teach you absolutely nothing

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

who needs to make money doing what they love anyway?

And a very, truly sincere THANK YOU VERY MUCH! goes out to my friends, family, and other loved ones for keeping my family and I in your prayers over these past few weeks, thank you for the phone calls, the hugs, and the food. And a very special THANK YOU VERY MUCH! to my Lord and Savior for bringing Grandpa Home where he belongs!

God Bless!

Summer is coming! Everybody hide!

The days are shorter and hotter

The sounds of screaming children fill the air

Everyone in my daughters class is ready for Friday (the last day of school)

Yes.

Summer is upon us.

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

This summer I plan on doing a lot of nothing.  

Seriously.

I am taking a break from school, don't plan on making any trips to the pool or the fun park, or the park.

Maybe the library.

I don't get outside much.

I'm Irish.

I burn. 

Maybe that is going to end up a mistake.  

I mean after all, I am 

SUPERMOM. 

 I should have a game plan, yes?  Well, 

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I may not be planning the funnest of all fun summers.

No Disneyland trips for the DeMoss clan.

 BUT

I do have a plan!

Crafts.

Movies.

Picnics outside under the protection of the very large shade tree in the front yard (did I mention my Irish roots?)

Sitting on the couch with my baby girl playing Mario Kart and Mod Nation Racers.

Reading books.  Lots and lots of books.

Maybe a little blogging.

A whole LOT of cooking and recipe writing.

(maybe I'll finally finish that cookbook)

I even have a (flexible) schedule.

*yea me*

The next couple of days I get to enjoy a little more peace and quiet.

Then . . .

invasion

RUN!!!!!!!

Behavior Charts - Do They Work?

After having a few months of troublesome behavior from my six year old, I decided it was time to make a change.  I found a few web sites, did a little research, and found out about using behavior charts.

So, what IS a behavior chart?

Well, it is a behavior-modification device that uses positive reinforcement to encourage the desired behavior.

At least, that's the professional definition.

I call it a God-send.

It took a while for us to get the hang of it, but with a little effort, practice, and consistancy, they are starting to make a real difference.

Here's how it works:

We have a list of behaviors that we want for Emily to do.  She gets stickers for every behavior she accomplishes for each day of the school week (4 behaviors x 5 days = 20 stickers).  We pick out the treat the week before, and display it all week - "This is what you're 'playing' for!"  Allowing for mess ups and redemption, she is required to get 15 stickers a week for a treat (under $5).  She also gets extra stickers for going above and beyond the call of duty.  For example, if we have a morning where she not only doesn't argue with me, but is absolutely wonderful, obedient, and helpful, she earns an extra sticker.  So far, we have only had one week in which she hasn't earned a treat.  This chart is working wonders for her behavior at home.

Now, school is a different story.  We are still working on that, however. I've come up with a few ideas to encourage her behavior to improve there as well.

Here are some great links to some fantastic sites that offer free behavior charts:

This one offers fill in charts with some of  kids' favorite cartoon characters (we've used Tinkerbell and SpongeBob.)
http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/behaviorcharts3-10.htm
This one has a variety of charts for young and older children, and offers a newsletter to help parents learn how to use them consistantly and properly:
http://www.freebehaviorcharts.com/
This offers a "customizer" in which you pick the behaviors you want to encourage, then children can create their own cat character to track their behavior.  BRILLIANT!
http://www.handipoints.com/printable-chart/behavior-chart.html
This site offers several different charts for all kinds of household needs, not just behavior (I use the calendars and several of the home charts)
http://www.chartjungle.com/home.html
I use this site for all sorts of things, from coloring pages, to craft ideas, to bible lesson plans to share with my kids.  It's wonderful!  Their charts are also customizable, but this time you can print them out (my preferred method).
http://www.dltk-cards.com/

When your child is underfoot . . .

Do you ever have issues with your children being underfoot when you're cleaning? I have a solution. It's not a new one, mind you, and I'm sure I probably heard it somewhere myself. But I know for a fact it works.

In the kitchen/bathroom: Give your child a spray bottle filled with water. You can add a drop of vinegar, essential oil, or bleach to give it that "cleaner" smell. Now give them a rag and tell them to "have at it". They LOVE to spray down cabinets, floors, walls, doors, baseboards, appliances . . . You name it.

In the living room: If your child is five or older, allow them to vacuum (with supervision, of course). Smaller children can "dust" (make sure any sacred breakables are put up and out of reach, first) with an old rag. Older children can dust knick-knacks.

This is what will happen - either 1) Your child will get REALLY into helping, so you gain an assistant or 2) Your child will botch at having to help (this is usually the older ones) and go retreat to their rooms. Either way, you get what you want!

Supermom Soapbox - Kidz Bop . . .

Okay so I got the urge to go and look up some of these songs that the Kidz Bop commercials advertise. And I have to wonder, why would ANY parent allow their children ages 5-11 (the age group the CD's are geared toward) to listen to these songs???

I researched 5 songs off the commercial - Pink's "So What", Kevin Rudolph and Lil' Wayne's "Let it Rock", the Pussycat Dolls' "When I Grow Up", Rhianna's "Disturbia", and Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold". I. Was. Shocked.

Lets look at these individually, shall we?

(Special thanks to MetroLyrics and KO Video.net for Lyric look ups).

1) "So What?" (Pink)

Okay, now don't get me wrong, I love me some Pink. I think she's a wonderful artist, extremely talented, and a strong woman. I do not, however, think her music is appropriate for anyone under the age of 15 - simply b/c of subject matter (most young kids just aren't going to get the lyrics). But this song is even worse than most b/c of not only subject matter, but language as well -

"I just lost my husband . . . So I'm gonna drink my money . . . "
"The waiter just took my table and gave it to Jessica Sim - Sh***"

Now, I don't know about you, but I would NOT let my five year old listen to this!!


2) Let it Rock (Kevin Rudolph featuring Lil' Wayne)

I don't listen to much R&B or rap, so I have no idea who Kevin Rudolph is. I do know about Lil' Wayne b/c he's been on some talk shows I've seen though.

Parts of this song are beautifully written, but should a young child be listening to it? No. First, it is beyond their comprehension. Second, again, harsh language is used. Third, other parts of the song are AWFUL (I wouldn't even listen to this myself):

"But it broke his heart, So he stuck his middle finger, To the world . . ."
"Yeah! Wayne's world, Planet Rock, Panties drop, And the tops . . ."
"I'm in here up like b***h what's up, Mechanic, me, I can fix you up, I can f**k you up, I can f**k you down . . ."


3) When I Grow Up (Pussycat Dolls)

Okay, now, to me, it's just disturbing that ANYONE would let their young girl listen to the Pussycat Dolls. I think they are awful role models for young girls - they teach them how to use sex and their bodies for manipulation and they also promote highly negative self body images. But that's another blog post . . . Sticking to the lyrics of the song here . . . Well I'll let them speak for themselves . . . :

"Now I've got a confession, When I was young I wanted attention, And I promised myself that I'd do anything, anything at all for them to notice me . . . "

"When I grow up, I wanna see the world, Drive nice cars, I wanna have boobies (edited version: Groupies) . . ."

4) "Disturbia" Rhianna

Now honestly, I really like Rhianna. That's why this song really shocked me. I was reading the lyrics thinking, ah, there's nothing really wrong with this one . . . until I got to this part:

"Disconnected on call, the phone won't even ring, I gotta get out, or figure this sh*** out, it's too close for comfort . . . "

*Sigh* . . . Oh Rhianna . . . I am so disappointed . . .

5) Hot N Cold (Katy Perry)

Now Katy Perry is another artist that I really like. I just like the grove of her songs. But, again, they are not appropriate for kids!! And this song is no exception. In fact, the opening lyrics state:

"You change your mind, like a girl changes clothes, yeah you, PMS, like a b**** I would know"

I am not trying to bash these artists in any way - I think they are all super talented in their own right. But their music is NOT appropriate for children!! And the creators of the Kidz Bop line of CD's, DVD's and Web pages are irresponsible for thinking they are!!

Okay, I know they are edited for children, but you know what? When I kid listens to a song, they want the whole CD - I know this from experience. And guess what. The CD's by these artists are NOT edited for children!!

Okay, I will get off my supermom soapbox now. Thanks for listening.

I need a vacation . . .

You know, being a mom isn't easy. Being a mom that works is REALLY hard - but the bright side is that you generally get a break from the kids for at least SOME length of time. When school was in full swing, from August through December or from January through May, I am cheerful. Happy. I have no issues. I am not stuck at home 24 hours a day 7 days a week cooking, cleaning, chasing, changing diapers, diciplining, yelling . . . you get my point.

Summer stinks. Why? B/C I am currently home 24 hours a day 7 days a week cooking, cleaning, chasing, changing diapers, diciplining, yelling . . . you get my point . . . again.

I love my children. Don't get me wrong. And I LOVE being a SAHM - I wouldn't trade jobs with anyone. But it's HARD. Especially when you don't have a car. I can't even take the kids to the park. Sure, I could send them outside, but they come back inside 5 minutes later complaining that "It's to hoo-ot . . ." in that whiney way children have perfected since the 1st century. At least at the park, they don't have an option. But then, who can blame them, really, I mean it IS 90 degrees in the shade today, after all. And I can't be a hypocrite. I won't send them outside if I won't go outside. That would be just WRONG . . . Okay, well maybe not, but I would feel guilty as all get out.

Plus there's a little issue we're having with money. Yeah, that's kinda a constant, but about once or twice a month, we go through trying to figure out how we're going to scrounge up enough cash for groceries. I have meat in the freezer, pasta and cream soups in the pantry . . . I wonder if I have enough for casseroles and homemade skillet meals to last a week.

I had to go to wal-mart at 2 in the morning to spend $13 we don't have on a box of diapers b/c I had NO CLUE that we were out. THAT was an experience.

School starts in late August. Until then . . . well, you know . . . I need a mommy-break.