What Happened to My Life . . ?

It's inevitable in most families . . . 

The morning will be going well - everyone's quiet and sweet.

Then suddenly . . .

all h-e-double-hockey-sticks breaks loose. 

One child is on the floor crying because another child pushed them out of a chair.

Another child is crying because they can't get their shoes on.

Another one is yelling at the first crying child because they wouldn't "get out" of his/her chair . . .

And this always happens as I you are trying to get them out the door.

I used to be a morning person.

I used to love to sit with my coffee and my bible, read every morning, maybe hop on the elliptical.

Not lately.

Now I dread every second because I am fully aware that as soon as those kids wake up, my peace and quiet is over.

I used to be able to watch whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

Now it's SpongeBob and Bubble Guppies

I used to sing - I was on stage on many country opry's around North Texas.

Now I know every song in every kids show that airs today.

And quite a few from the past five years.

I remember how many hopes and dreams I used to have.

I wanted to sing professionally.

I wanted to act.

I wanted to be a photographer.

Now I'm lucky if I get through all the housework in a day.

I often sit and wonder . . .

What happened to my life?

Then my three year old walks up to me.

Wraps his little arms around me and says:

"Mama, I yuv yoo"

"Oh, yeah," 

I think as I squeeze him back, my heart filling with joy and love . . .

"THAT'S what happened to my life."

And I wouldn't change a thing.

Two Years . . . and counting!

I ment to post this the other day, but life (as usual) has been crazy!!:

Just over three years ago, I met a wonderful man. He had two children, didn't mind that I had a child, and was a musician. We started talking, and became friends. Briefly. Then, he and I met face to face for the first time. The next day, we had lunch. The night after that, we had our first date - and our first kiss. I felt butterflies in my stomach that I had never felt before. From that day forward, we were almost inseperable. We saw each other almost every day after that - and didn't spend more than two days away from each other. Three months later we were engaged.

Two years ago, on the anniversary of our first date, my father walked me down the aisle to meet this man face-to-face. Well, pulled is a more accurate description. I remember how handsome I thought he looked in his black suit. And how cute and nervous he looked. I remember thinking how much I loved him and was so thankful for him. And how I couldn't wait to be his wife.

As we took our vows, I was close to tears. I had resigned myself years before to the fact that I may be alone for the rest of my life. I focused on my daughter and my education. I never thought God had someone in mind for me. But He did. And I stood before him in awe of my love for him and his for me. When he took my hand to put the ring on my finger, I felt the same butterflies in my stomache from our first kiss. I loved him so much - more than I had ever loved any man I had ever known.

Almost a year later, we welcomed the birth of our child together. We now had four children - our family was complete. And I looked at him as he held our son for the first time, and the butterflies were back.

Now, it's been two years since our wedding day and just over a year since our son was born. I looked at him the other night - our anniversary - and felt those silly butterflies again. I snuggled into him as we sat on the couch watching TV. Thanking God for him.

I love my husband so much. And I praise God every day for bringing him to me!

Anxioties and Creationism

I am freaking out over the prospect of my precious little one starting school. I was okay with preschoo, I could walk her to class, hang up her back pack, give her a kiss, give her a reminder, have a brief hello with her teacher, that kind of thing. Kindergarten? Different story. I have to leave my precious bundle at the front door (if even that close) to fend for her self with the possibilties of her getting lost, hurt, beat up, robbed, sad, have an accident, blow up in the middle of the hallway WHATEVER in the midst. Just thinking about it last night made me cry myself to sleep. What am I going to do? I know I can't be there for her ALL the time - she's going to have to learn to fend for herself in that dark, bleek jungle out there that we call the public school system. But it doesn't make it any easier.

See, I have two major fears. One, that my child will follow in her momma's footsteps and be an outcast. Two, that the school will fill my child's head with a whole lot of BS that I can neither fostor nor prevent.

Okay, so the outcast thing. This is why I'm worried.

I watch my child interact with other kids. She always seems to be the one shunned. She will be off playing by herself. "Emmy," I'll ask. "Why aren't you playing with the other kids?" "Because they don't want me to play." "Well did you ask?" "They told me to go away".

This happens every time. In school, at parties, at family functions, in the park. I just want to bawl my eyes out to think about it.

My little girl is the sweetest child on the planet (to other kids, anyway). She wants to play, and doesn't mind doing anything that anyone else wants to do. She just wants to PLAY. She is so beautiful and smart and sweet and I just want to scream to the world "WHY can't you see what I do in my baby??" Jake, I have no fears for Jake. He's a flirt (you should have seen that infant making eyes at his cousin yesterday, LOL). He's a tough kid. He'll be alright. Emily, well, she kinda wears her emotions on her sleeve. If they get stepped on, she'll crumble. We're working on this through Love and Logic Paranting (I'll go into more detail about THAT in another blog . . . after I finally get the book). But it doesn't change my fears. Maybe I'm too overprotective of her . . . but it breaks my heart.

Now, as for the other reason I am afraid of public school, that's another blog. Maybe I'll get to that later in the day. I'll leave you with this thought, though - Atheists rule our school's curriculum. Don't believe me? Read your child's science book when school starts. There is a particular theory that you will see is being taught as fact. The theory of creationism (here's a link for you to read up a bit) is not even being brought up b/c it is a CHRISTIAN CONCEPT. Hmm . . . don't get me started. I have to go make breakfast and a cup of much-needed STRONG coffee. I'll rant about that later.