Marriage Minded Monday - When You Disagree

This week I got a lesson from God about speaking up when something was bothering me.

I also learned that (as I said on my facebook page) I don't give my husband near enough credit.

I think we all assume that our spouses will respond one way when we tell them we don't agree with them, but when it comes down to it, they may very well respond differently.

Case in point:

I won't go into detail, but there was a project my husband and I have been discussing that was about to come into fruition.

It was going to take a lot of time, energy, and money to do this. 

I have been worried about it - for a VERY long time - but I didn't want to say anything to my husband because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, nor did I want to squelch his dream. 

So when it was right about to happen, I snapped. I turned into a sobbing, blubbering mess. I knew exactly what was bothering me, but I was still so afraid to tell him the truth that I came up with every other thing I could be stressed over - including something that I've never mentioned, ever! EVERYTHING but the problem at hand. 

Finally, I told him. I was so worried that he would be hurt and that he would be angry. But instead, he told me he had the same concerns. 

So we had a long discussion on it and decided - TOGETHER - to put it off for a while until we're in a better place, financially.

As you can see, my assumption was very off course, and as a result ended up in my anxiety and stress. 

He had no idea - how could he? 

I'd never told him!

Your disagreement may come from a different place - you might be in arms over child-rearing, finances, where to live, career choices . . . 

Whatever it is, remember you DO have a voice. 

God tells us in 1 Peter 3:1 to submit to our husbands the way Christ submitted to God. But remember, that even Christ spoke up about his concerns to the Lord in Matthew 26:39 "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup be taken from me . . ." 

Yes, the bible tells us that we SHOULD submit fully to our husbands. And if mine had told me "I understand your concerns, but I really want to do this now rather than later" then we would have and that would have been the end of it. But the fact is, sometimes our husbands are waiting on US to speak up first because they're afraid of the same thing we are.

God's Blessings on you for a wonderful week!

Today I'm linking up with Nan from Mom's The Word for Making Your Home Sing Monday! 

Go give her a visit and see how YOU can make YOUR home sing today!

Marriage Minded Monday: Time Together

Do you spend time with your spouse? Let me rephrase that. Do you MAKE time to spend with your spouse?
Are you one of those couples that lead different lives and only sleep in the same bed (occasionally).

There are couples who have no choice but to be apart - one may be a soldier, or a driver, or work on a pipeline.
But what about those couples that live together all the time?

One of the fundamental foundations of a good relationship is getting to know your spouse. The only way to do that is by spending time together. Watch a movie together, read to each other, or just sit across the table from each other and talk.

You might find out something interesting about your spouse that you never knew before.

Don't think you have anything in common with your partner? Try a compromise - one night a week you do what one of you wants and one night do what the other wants. You might discover a new love of a hobby, a musical or film genre, or art.

For example, before my husband and I were married, you would not have caught me on a small manned watercraft. Especially one without sides and with the potential of going 30 mph + on a lake. Then he introduced me to our Hobie 16' Catamarand:

Isn't it beautiful??

Now, I CRAVE this boat. I LONG to ride for hours! 

And as for my husband, I brought to him a love of different exotic and healthy foods. His whole life had been fried, creamed, cheesed, and fat. I taught him to love quinoa and to TOLERATE (lol) asparagus.

Make some time today to spend with your spouse - just the two of you, together. You may find it makes all the difference in your relationship!

Today I'm linking up with my friend Nan's Making Your Home Sing Monday! 

Run to her blog (Mom's The Word) NOW and check it out!!

Marriage-Minded Monday - The Importance of Communication

Each Monday I will be talking about marriage and home-and-hearth.

I have learned men's greatest secret.

Are you ready for this ladies?

*men are not mind readers*

I know that comes as quite a shock, doesn't it?

But it's true.

One of the largest complaints I hear from my female friends about their husbands is:

"He never does _____" or "He ALWAYS does _______"

And then go on to say:

"He KNOWS it bothers me!"

But, does he?

Does he REALLY?

Have you TOLD him it bothers you?

"No, but he should know!"

How can someone know it bothers you if you don't tell him?

Believe it or not, many divorces have been finalized over such.

Another example comes straight out of my own marriage:

"Honey did you remember that we're going to ______ today?"
"Uh . . . No, you never told me."
"Yes, I'm sure I did! We have to leave in five minutes and drive over three hours and we both need showers and get the kids ready!!"

"You never told me!"

"I'm sure I did! We also have to stop and buy a wedding gift!"

"YOU NEVER TOLD ME!"

This one happens more than I'd like to admit in my house.

*dramatized to get the point across*

Communication is the number one key to a happy, joyful marriage.

If something is bothering you, you NEED to tell your spouse - weather it's something they did or something else in the world that's been weighing on your heart.

If you're having problems talking to your spouse, you should look at why:

Do you fear their response?

Do you fear YOUR response?

Do you harbor resentments?

If any of these are an issue for you, take a deep breath and say a prayer. Then when you discuss your problem, be sure to do so at a time when you're both in decent moods. Sit down in an uninterrupted time, and make a promise to each other to not use harsh words or yelling. When you're talking about your issue, do not bring up issues of the past - they have nothing to do with the issue at hand. And remember to LISTEN as much as you talk - your spouse wants to be heard too, and I'm sure they have a few things on their mind they'd like to share as well!

Another solution - one that's good for the entire family - is something called a "gripe book" or a "communication journal" - it's for every family member to write down things that have bothered them during the week - then once a week the entire family sits down and talks about the book. The rules are - no retaliations, no arguments, no accusations, especially at the round table.

If you find that you are STILL having problems communicating, it may be time to talk to your pastor, priest, or a marriage counselor. But keep in mind the more you talk, the easier it becomes.