TMI Friday - Tata Talk

*WARNING - THE FOLLOWING POST MAY CONTAIN ADULT-RELATED SUBJECTS NOT INTENDED FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 16*

Happy Friday Kiddies! It's time for another edition of TMI Friday! The post that will leave you cringing in your seat.

This week we're going to talk about a subject very close to me.
Boobs. Breasts. Chi-chi's. Tatas. Melons. Gazangas.
You get the point.
What prompted this subject?
Having electrodes stuck all around one of mine.
I realized that the gown they had given me to wear would not go around my . . . girls.
It was a bit humiliating, to tell you the truth.
I can't help that they're big - that's how God made me after all.
And I don't hear any complaints from The Hubbs.
But as the EKG specialist was placing said electrodes all around my ginormous mounds, a random thought popped into my head.
"I haven't done a breast exam lately"
Yes, that's a WEIRD thing to go through one's head, I know. But it did.
You see, cancer - specifically breast and ovarian cancer - run in my family.
My paternal grandmother died from it, and I'm fairly certain there have been others down the genetic line that have as well.
So I am generally pretty obsessive about my breast exams.
Like every-night-obsessive.
So for me to realize I hadn't done one in a while really worried me.
"Oh my God, what if I haven't checked in a week and something mysteriously appeared in that time frame??"
Yes, I am a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes.
Of course, after having the sticky things ripped off my sensitive skin (can we say OUCH???) I sat there the whole time thinking "I need to do one".
So when I got home, I did.
And, as usual, I found nothing.
So, LADIES . . .
Have you done YOUR breast exam this month?

TMI - PS3 RAGE

Hello kids! It's time for a terrifying edition of TMI Friday.

Be afraid.

Be very afraid . . .

Our PS3 is on the fritz. 

It's to be expected, I guess. We'd bought it when they first came out, and we use it ALL the time - every day for 4 hours +. So for it to be acting up now is really not a surprise.

But when the PS3 and the blue ray player on your laptop goes out at the same time . . .

AND you have a Netflix blue ray sitting on your entertainment center ready to be watched.

AND you're at home in a teeny-tiny space with two teenagers, a school ager, and a preschooler - and it's TOO HOT TO GO OUTSIDE.

Life with no PS3/Blue ray Player is like . . . Is like . . . 

Well I don't know what it's like, but it's NOT FUN! So now I get to listen to the big kids whine b/c the preschooler is watching Team Umi Zoomi, I listen to the school ager whine because the teenagers are being allowed to play on computers/handheld devices, and I listen to the preschooler whine because, well, he's a preschooler.

But that's not the rage part.

The rage happened last night when The Hubbs was trying to fix the blue ray player on his laptop and try to make the PS3 work simultaneously.

He scared me!!

I think he actually cussed IN FRONT of the kids (which he NEVER does).

I was seriously afraid he was going to throw the PS3 and his lap top out the window!

But, he did not. 

He did, in fact, FINALLY get the blue ray player on his laptop to work.

But the PS3?

It's Ppppppppppphhhhhhhhhht.

:-(

TMI Friday - Locker Room Edition!

It's time for another edition of TMI Friday! 

So grab a cuppa, sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh your heads off.

For those of you that DON'T know (if there are any of you that don't, LOL) - my mother and I have recently started taking a water aerobics class.

The class is FANTASTIC.

The locker room . . .

Well it can be quite scary at times.

Case in point:

Old women. 

Naked.

Yes.

I said NAKED.

Now, I'm big on modesty to begin with. Honestly, I wouldn't want a stacked 20-something year old gettin' naked in front of me either.

But then the locker room can be good for a laugh or two.

For example:

Last night I was changing in the bathroom while my mother was taking a shower. From across the locker room I hear her humming some really old-timey song. It sounded good, but as she is my mother, of course I have to rile her, so after I'm dressed I walk into the shower room and say 

"Hey, Ma, 

you're becoming the creepy humming lady of the locker room!"

My mother then proceeds to open her shower curtain to inform me that

"Honey, THAT WASN'T ME"

At which point the lady in the shower stall next to her replies:

"Oh, no! 

I guess I'M becoming the creepy humming lady of the locker room!"

Total locker room fail.

*Note - yes the other lady and we had a good laugh about it afterwards!*

TMI Friday - PEEESSSTSSS!!

Hey kids! It's time for another edition of: 

Where we're open to discuss anything and everything from the gross to the political.

After last weeks political debauchery . . .

I decided this week to bring back the 

EEEWWWWWW!!!

by revisiting on of my favorite subjects . . .

PESTS!!

Specifically . . .

ANTS

ROACHES

and

MICE!!

First off let's talk about ants.

I know I've mentioned this a time or two but 

I. Hate. Ants.

...!...

They have successfully been seen in every single orface of my kitchen now. 

The plants.

The cabinets.

The sink.

The counters.

I even found them in some food - molasses to be exact. 

Needless to say I've thrown away a LOT of stuff over the last month. 

But after much determined work and effort 

(and some really great ant baits) 

I think we have the situation under control once and for all.

At least I haven't seen an ant in about 48 hours.

ROACHES

Ugh. 

These are the absolute

MOST disgusting things on the planet.

I've learned a few things about them over the years.

First of all, they actually are not drawn to filth.

They're drawn to paper products and industrial glues. 

Which is why so many older houses have infestations.

I also learned that there are two types generally in my area: American and German.

One is, of course, easier to get rid of than the other.

And finally I learned the most important lesson of all this past week.

Roaches really REALLY like electronics.

After talking to my best friend, I found this out.

So I thought I would open up the bottom of my coffee maker . . .

Just to be sure. Since we'd seen them around it so often.

Oh.

My. 

HOLYCOW!!!

It was GROSS in there!!

Little roach carcases plastered all over the workings

On the wires.

On the sides.

Feces . . . egg sacks . . .

I almost threw up.

I decided I was going to throw away my $200 coffee maker right then and there.

Enter the hubby.

"I can clean that" He assured me.

Riiiiiiight, I thought. But I figured the worse that could happen was . . . 

well we'd end up having to throw it away.

I admit when I was wrong.

And I give my husband a LOT of credit. 

He stomached the grossness.

Wiped out every single wire with clorox.

Took the ENTIRE thing apart

Cleaned the entire thing up.

And put it back together.

He is my hero. 

And the reason I write this with a delicious cuppa joe in front of me right now.

I love that man.

So now that their obvious nest has been cleaned out, and we've put gel, baits, and little contraptions that are supposed to sterilize them around the house, 

I have yet to see one.

*happy dance*

And now for my final subject . . .

MICE.

My facebook friends know all about my little mouse-capades.

Jennifer Munson DeMoss

I already have my TMI Friday post for next week, LOL. I swear we must have the smartest mouse (mice?) on the planet! He's managed to evade at least two traps. One, he took the food off of. It tripped, but no mouse. The other he CHEWED ON!! I'll be posting pics here in a bit. It'd be funny if it didn't gross me out so much, LOL!!

Well, I didn't get the pics on Facebook, but I have them for you, kids!!

Peruse:

Here you see the trap: Empty . . . No cheese. No mouse!

This is the one the mouse flipped over. Notice the chewed up stuff around it from the basket here on the left. Also, that long thing to the right of the container is a piece of leather from the basket NOT a mouse tail.

Close-up. Notice the chewing on the upper right hand corner of the trap!

Now the disturbing part . . .

When I picked up the trap, I noticed that it had been tripped, but again, no mouse.

But there WAS a mouse paw!!

Jennifer Munson DeMoss OMG!!! I flip over the chewed mouse trap and there's a paw stuck in the trap!!! GROSS!!! So now we have a three-pawed mouse running around and he's probably PISSED!

Jennifer Munson DeMoss It's a government-engineered uber mouse, I'm sure of it . . .

Jennifer Munson DeMoss The Arnold of mice . . .

That evening as the hubbs and I are watching TV we notice a mouse running behind our entertainment center and curtain in the living room.

Hubby sat out a trap.

The next morning we discovered a (finally) trapped mouse.

He was missing a paw.

Thanks for joining me for this weeks TMI Friday, Kids! 

If you have any suggestions for subjects, let me know in the comments or shoot me an email here.

TMI Friday: Dear New York

Happy Friday Kiddies!

You know what Fridays' are for, right?

Alright, so I know that typically, TMI Fridays are reserved for gross or embarassing conversation.

Well, this week, I will be "going there" and discussiong something quite controversial.

If you haven't heard already, New York has passed a same-sex marriage bill over the past week.

The following is a letter that I have composed in my mind over and again about these events.

Dear New York:

Recently you passed a bill allowing same-sex couples to marry and have all the rights and priveleges as any heterosexual married couple. This has been called many things from a step toward progress to a step toward damnation for man kind. It is certainly historical, and has brought the word "equality" to a new and unprecedented level.

But I have a delimma, see . . .

My delimma is this. 

As a Christian, I hold dear to Biblical truths and religions writings. And the bible clearly states that same-sex relationships are an "abomination" in the eyes of God. So from that persepctive, the idea of two men or two women together in the "bonds of holy matrimony" bothers me somewhat. 

But on the other hand, as a human, and as a person with many dear friends in the GLT community, I jump for joy at the thought of some of my good friends finally being able to have happiness like mine in a married relationship.

Gay marriage is nothing light to think about, for sure. 

Despite my misgivings, however, I continue to go back to two things.

1) God doesn't make mistakes.

2) We are all sinners, and no one sin is greater than any other in God's eyes.

Therefore, from that perspective, is it really anyone's right to say that two men or two women cannot be married? Certainly, from God's perspective, they are "living sinfully", but so is the gossip next door, the unwed mother, the pastor with a roving eye, the closet pot-smoker . . . These are no less sinful than homosexuality. And God forgives each of them, even before asked.

It is disturbing to me that people in your community would stand up and say that they refuse to sign a marriage document for same-sex couples. What gives them the right to remove a right from someone else? God certainly did not give his children any rights or commands in that manner.

So, to the people of New York, and the people of the rest of the world that are fighting so hard against same-sex marriage, I respond:

God loves each of his children so much that he gave his son in sacrifice for them. He asked for nothing in return, and demands nothing of His children other than their love and devotion. Each of us has wronged God in our own ways, and not one of our actions was any less or greater than any other. Do we have the right to tell someone they can't gossip? No, that would infringe on their freedom of speech. Do we have the right to tell someone they can't think lustful thoughts or have sex before marriage? No, that would infringe on their personal privacy. If we stand up and say that only some people can have a specific right, what's to stop the world from taking away other rights - even our right as Christians to worship the way we see fit.

Rights belong to all people, even to those whose lifestyle we don't agree with.

Yours Sincerely,
SuperMom Jen

TMI Fridays! Swimsuit season . . .

Welcome to another edition of TMI Fridays!

This week is all about . . .

SWIMSUIT SEASON

*insert ominous music here*

I. Hate. Swimsuit season.

Unless you're a supermodel, are ANY of us REALLY happy with the way we look in a swimsuit?

Probably not.

And many of us are wearing swimsuits that we have NO BUSINESS wearing.

Don't give me that look

You know who you are.

*old men in Speedos*

And then you have the older people on the planet.

First off - I love old people. 

I think they are a wonderful addition to society - wise sages that teach us the ways of life. 

Interesting stories to keep us entertained for hours. 

But there are some things on an older persons body that should just. be. covered. up.

If it sags below the belt, it needs support!!

Speaking of old people . . .

My mom and I started a water aerobics class yesterday. 

I wore a swimsuit for the first time in over a year. 

It was a new Speedo-brand conservative-cut (yes, that's a style, LOL) sports suit.

But there were oh, so many problems.

First of all, before we get into anything, let's just say that I am a big  svelte large okay I admit it, I'm obese (thus the water aerobics). 

So when I say I don't look very good in a swimsuit, let's just call that a HUGE understatement.

Second, as I have been dieting and exercising for a long time, the suit 

(which I thought I ordered in my size) 

was slightly too big.

It was slipping down my back. 

At one time I thought someone was going to remind me that crack kills! 

And there were wobbly bits that were hanging out that should, by all that is holy, NEVER be hanging out!!

I would post a picture, 

but I'm sure none of you want to ruin your keyboards by being sick on them.

What do you hate the most about swimsuit season?

TMI Friday! Attack Of the Ants

TMI Friday is back!

Can I just say right now how much I hate bugs, in general.

Oh, butterflies are nice.

I dig the occasional ladybug.

Moths aren't TOO bad.

Roly Poly's are sweet.

And ant lions (aka doodlebugs) are fun to play with.

Everything else can go, as far as I'm concerned.

Especially roaches and ants.

Especially ESPECIALLY ants.

I. Hate. Ants.

Guess which of the above I am currently waging war against? 

No, dummies, not ladybugs.

ANTS

Little tiny black sugar ants.

My husband calls them something else that I'm not allowed to say here 

(shame on you, Dear Husband for using such language!)

These little suckers are EVERYWHERE from the kitchen to my kids' room!

EV. 

RY. 

WHERE!!!

In the kitchen they're all over the counters and I've even found them in the cabinets.

In the dining room they're all over the table and the computer desk.

In the living room they're all in the couch.

In my kids rooms they're on the floor and in their beds!

AAAAAACK!

Luckily they're just the little black sugar ants and not fire ants.

For the past week, I have cleaned, scrubbed, vacuumed, wiped, washed . . .

I'm exhausted.

Yesterday, I think my kids think I lost it.

"Gotta KILL the little suckers . . . 

Gonna . . . 

Squish 'em SQUISH 'EM SQUISH 'EM . . . 

NO! Not YOUR house MY house . . . out . . . OUT!!" 

squish squish 

BAM BAM BAM 

(on the counter trying to squish them with bleach wipes)

THEN. 

I found it.

Their ENTRYWAY

I found some boric acid and filled the hole with it, giggling maniacally.

My kids still think I'm nuts. 

But today, we have fewer ants.

So I think that this morning I'll mix a good concoction of sugar and boric acid and see how they like THAT little feast.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Beware evil little ants.

Your days are numbered . . .

TMI Friday - Girl's Only Edition . . .

Welcome to another edition of . . .

What is TMI Friday? Well, this is a fun game where ANYTHING goes! Things you wouldn't normally talk about in a blog, but happen to us EVERY DAY!

Here's what you do:

1) Write a TMI blog about anything bizarre, weird, or just plain gross that's happened to you (please keep it family friendly!).

2) Take my TMI Friday button on the right side of the page and post it into your blog to link back to me (copy and paste the code).

3) Sign in below on my linky (don't post your own linky)

That's it! It's that simple!!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Today has been labeled the "Girl's Only Edition" for a reason, so guys, I'm giving you fair warning on this one!!!

Topic 1:

Bras

Do you hate yours as much as I hate mine? What man invented this medieval torture device and why?? Now for women that happen to be members of the "itty bitty titty committee" (like my sisters) bras are not an issue. But for us . . . er . . . more . . . um . . . well endowed women bras are nothing but a pain. in. the. boob. (see what I did there . . . hahaha) They almost never fit right, those so-called "comfort straps" are ANYTHING but comfortable, and for women like me that have very odd proportions, the cup and the back go like this: when one's too tight, the other's too loose. When one fits, the other is too lose or too tight . . . and so on. I have YET to find a bra that fits me EVERYWHERE. And why is that us bigger women have to wear the old-fashioned military issue 1940's granny bras?? WHY are there NEVER anything CUTE in MY size (hey, I'm a 46 DD . . . it just doesn't exist, I'm tellin' ya!). I hate bras. Wish the darn things were never invented.

Topic 2:

Periods 

(mm hmm see, you boys got all excited about the bra talk . . . Told you it was "Girls Only" for a reason!!)

I hate periods. I spend an entire week of every month checking my butt every 10 minutes to make sure I don't have a surprise "leak". I have ruined more pairs of underwear, pants, and shorts than I care to mention because there just doesn't seem to be a "product" out there strong enough to suit my needs. Not to mention the hormones, the cramping, the chocolate . . . okay well the chocolate isn't that bad . . . ; )

Topic 3:

Childbirth

Okay, here's where I get a little serious: non-interference childbirth is something I feel very strongly about. I had my first child from and incision in my belly because she wasn't ready to come out and I was induced. Let's face it, if the baby isn't ready to come out, IT AIN'T GONNA! Inductions highten the chance of a c-section, and they also raise the chance of a premature baby! That's right, there have been cases of an induction done and the baby born was less than 32 weeks. This article also explains other reasons NOT to be induced! I thought induction was a safe choice and didn't question my doctor. I was wrong. My daughter turned her head because she wasn't ready yet. If she hadn't been born by c-section, she would have died that day.  Doctors will try to scare you into inducing. DON'T LET THEM. Unless there is a DANGEROUS medical emergency (big-baby is NOT a DANGEROUS MEDICAL EMERGENCY, by the way) then there is NO medical need for an induction!

Okay, that's my hot-topic soap box for the day, LOL. I will probably talk more one day about child birth without interference - and will go into c-sections, VBAC's, natural childbirth and all that at that time. But there's too much to talk about and, as you can tell, I'm a little too passionate on the subject, LOL!!

GOT A TMI STORY YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE? 

COME JOIN THE HYSTERICS AND LINK UP BELOW!

TMI Friday! Gassy kids . . .

Happy Friday everyone! It's time for another edition of

TMI FRIDAY

What is TMI Friday? Well, this is a fun game where ANYTHING goes! Things you wouldn't normally talk about in a blog, but happen to us EVERY DAY!

Here's what you do:

1) Write a TMI blog about anything bizarre, weird, or just plain gross that's happened to you (please keep it family friendly!).

2) Take my TMI Friday button on the right side of the page and post it into your blog to link back to me (copy and paste the code).

3) Sign in below on my linky (don't post your own linky)

That's it! It's that simple!!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Is your child gassy? Mine are. All of them. And they have no qualms about letting loose anywhere. At the dinner table, in the living room, at their grandparents, at the store . . . I'm sure the ones that go to school probably let it go there, too. Now, I would say that I don't know where they get it from, that wouldn't be entirely true. Sorry. Can't help it. In my . . . er . . . genetics (thanks, Dad).

My two year old is extrememly bad. He won't just poot (that's what we call it in our house - poots) places like living rooms or things like that. He will POOT ON PEOPLE. His favorite person to poot on is apparently me, because he does it ALL THE TIME. On my lap, on my hand or arm . . . he's even pooted in my face once or twice. And he thinks it's absolutely hysterical. He will laugh and look at me and say, "Mama, I pooted". Yup. He's all boy, that one.

My other kids aren't much better, but at least they've learned not to do it ON people. Well, at least I don't think they do. There are times when the six year old is screaming at the 14 year old and vice versa, and I'm not 100% certain that they're not back there trying to make each other stinky-heads.

Then there's the sound. It's a very distinct sound for each of them. I can tell who it was that let one from across the room. One's sounds like an extremely loud zipper. Another's like bubble wrap being popped in succession, and one's sounds like, I'm not kidding, a duck quacking. And when they all get going at the same time (which happens occasionally) Sadie bar the door, it's like a three ring circus in here.

The one thing that I am thankful for is that their poot's don't smell . . . yet. But I am just waiting for that day when they do. And it will be just my luck that it will happen at the same time:

"Zzzzzzip, popopopop, QUACK . . . ewwwww"

Have a great weekend!

GOT A TMI STORY YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE? COME JOIN THE HYSTERICS AND LINK UP BELOW!