TMI Fridays! Swimsuit season . . .

Welcome to another edition of TMI Fridays!

This week is all about . . .

SWIMSUIT SEASON

*insert ominous music here*

I. Hate. Swimsuit season.

Unless you're a supermodel, are ANY of us REALLY happy with the way we look in a swimsuit?

Probably not.

And many of us are wearing swimsuits that we have NO BUSINESS wearing.

Don't give me that look

You know who you are.

*old men in Speedos*

And then you have the older people on the planet.

First off - I love old people. 

I think they are a wonderful addition to society - wise sages that teach us the ways of life. 

Interesting stories to keep us entertained for hours. 

But there are some things on an older persons body that should just. be. covered. up.

If it sags below the belt, it needs support!!

Speaking of old people . . .

My mom and I started a water aerobics class yesterday. 

I wore a swimsuit for the first time in over a year. 

It was a new Speedo-brand conservative-cut (yes, that's a style, LOL) sports suit.

But there were oh, so many problems.

First of all, before we get into anything, let's just say that I am a big  svelte large okay I admit it, I'm obese (thus the water aerobics). 

So when I say I don't look very good in a swimsuit, let's just call that a HUGE understatement.

Second, as I have been dieting and exercising for a long time, the suit 

(which I thought I ordered in my size) 

was slightly too big.

It was slipping down my back. 

At one time I thought someone was going to remind me that crack kills! 

And there were wobbly bits that were hanging out that should, by all that is holy, NEVER be hanging out!!

I would post a picture, 

but I'm sure none of you want to ruin your keyboards by being sick on them.

What do you hate the most about swimsuit season?

Blogging Schedule . . ? Yes, Blogging Schedule!!

How many days have I missed out on a stellar blog post b/c I was stuck in the world of writer's block? Countless, I can tell you.
I was reading a post by another blogger several weeks ago, and they mentioned that they had a schedule for their blog - certain topics for certain days.
I thought she was crazy.
But then, I thought, maybe . . . JUST maybe an idea like this would work for me - captain scatterbrained.
So I've decided that I'm going to give it a shot.
Every day will be "themed" - now these themes aren't set in stone - so if, for example, I have another topic weighing on my heart or I just can't thing of anything to write for that theme I may write about something else. But this will give me - and you, kids! - an opportunity to see "what's in store" for the week! I will also be posting this list somewhere in my sidebar soon.

So without further ado, here's my new Blogging Schedule!

Marriage Minded Mondays - discussions and tips on having a happy and successful marriage
Tasty Tuesdays - I will be linking up with a few of my favorite blogs to share recipes and cooking tips
Wordless Wednesdays/Word-Filled Wednesdays - I will be linking up with 5 Minutes for Mom for their weekly meme OR I will be discussing a Biblical topic
Thougtful Thursdays - Writing about whatever's on my mind
TMI Fridays - The weekly free-for-all is back! Beware - some of these stories will be gross! Mwahahahahaa!
Silly Saturdays - Craft/Activity ideas for kids, funny stories, kids guest blogging (am I crazy . . ?)
Scriptural Sundays - I will be posting a bible verse for the week here.

So, there you have it, kids. My blog schedule. If any of you have one you'd like to share, leave a comment! What's YOUR blog schedule?

TMI Friday! Attack Of the Ants

TMI Friday is back!

Can I just say right now how much I hate bugs, in general.

Oh, butterflies are nice.

I dig the occasional ladybug.

Moths aren't TOO bad.

Roly Poly's are sweet.

And ant lions (aka doodlebugs) are fun to play with.

Everything else can go, as far as I'm concerned.

Especially roaches and ants.

Especially ESPECIALLY ants.

I. Hate. Ants.

Guess which of the above I am currently waging war against? 

No, dummies, not ladybugs.

ANTS

Little tiny black sugar ants.

My husband calls them something else that I'm not allowed to say here 

(shame on you, Dear Husband for using such language!)

These little suckers are EVERYWHERE from the kitchen to my kids' room!

EV. 

RY. 

WHERE!!!

In the kitchen they're all over the counters and I've even found them in the cabinets.

In the dining room they're all over the table and the computer desk.

In the living room they're all in the couch.

In my kids rooms they're on the floor and in their beds!

AAAAAACK!

Luckily they're just the little black sugar ants and not fire ants.

For the past week, I have cleaned, scrubbed, vacuumed, wiped, washed . . .

I'm exhausted.

Yesterday, I think my kids think I lost it.

"Gotta KILL the little suckers . . . 

Gonna . . . 

Squish 'em SQUISH 'EM SQUISH 'EM . . . 

NO! Not YOUR house MY house . . . out . . . OUT!!" 

squish squish 

BAM BAM BAM 

(on the counter trying to squish them with bleach wipes)

THEN. 

I found it.

Their ENTRYWAY

I found some boric acid and filled the hole with it, giggling maniacally.

My kids still think I'm nuts. 

But today, we have fewer ants.

So I think that this morning I'll mix a good concoction of sugar and boric acid and see how they like THAT little feast.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Beware evil little ants.

Your days are numbered . . .

PMM - Proud Mommy Moments

Thanks everyone for all the comments on my last post in regards to "branding". 

I'm so glad to know that you all like me just the way I am! 

So to that end, I decided that today I was going to link up with my good Bloggy-Mommy-Friend KMama for her weekly "Proud Mommy Moments". 

For more information on Proud Mommy Moments, visit KMama here and then come join the fun!!

My children have very distinct personalities.

First you have Garrett - he's the late-bloomer oh-woe-is-me emo kid (without the dark eyeliner). He loves to build with his legos, and create these amazing scenarios.

Then you have Christin. Christin is the typical pre-teen girl. Into boys and hair and makeup.

Then there's Emily. Emily is the social butterfly - she'll make friends with anyone and everyone - even in the middle of the grocery store.

And finally you have Jacob. The one we call "little man" Jake is the clown of the group. He's the jokemaster, the silly tickle monster, the one who will repeat an action over and over again if it will elicit a laugh.

This is a Jacob story.

We taught Jake his first knock knock joke at a young age. 

It was the one about the interrupting cow. 

For an almost-two-year old, his timing was impeccable.

Then he started creating his own knock knock jokes. 

Not quite as funny, but still kinda cute as he is only three.

For example:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Butt.

Butt who?

My butt is on my bottom!

Then the hysterical laughter occurs. 

Not from us, mind you, but from HIM - 

who thinks his jokes are the funniest in the world.

I just hope that he doesn't decide to break one of these . . . 

er . . . HILARIOUS . . . jokes 

out in the middle of church.

That would be a not-so-proud-mommy-moment . . .

Okay! Now it’s your turn. 

Type out your Proud, or maybe not-so-Proud Mommy Moment and link up with either KMama or Emmy Mom! Don’t forget, PMM isn’t just for mom’s…anyone can link up! Join us each week for this fun meme!

What's My "Brand"

As I look back on some of my older posts, it dawns on me that I am the most scattered person on the planet.
The whole point of blogging, if you want followers, is to have a theme - one theme - and you stick with it. But here, I have a whole variation of themes! This blog is proof of my multiple personalities.

First you have the mommy posts. These are the ones with pictures of my children, funny daily anecdotes, recipes, household tips . . . That's what my starting intentions were with this blog.

Then you have the "pious" me - the religious posts. Make no qualms about it, I am a Christian and I am loud and proud about it (although not pushy). These posts focus on the spiritual aspect of my life - what God has done for me, what I wish he would do, a bible verse, a religious debate . . . Things like that. The more I got to know my Jesus, and the closer I got to Him, the more in-depth these writings became.

Then you have the snarky, witty posts - the TMI Friday moments, and the real-world, in-your-face, (attempts) to be funny.

Let's face it, these three "me's" just don't really go hand in hand, now do they.

So, my dear readers, I ask for your help. Out of the three brands, which do YOU prefer? The "Mommy" me, the "Religious" me, or the "Snarky" me - your votes will help determine the future of this blog!

Where God Leads, I Will Follow

http://soundcloud.com/jenniferdemoss/grandpa

I discovered at an early age that I had a voice.
I could sing.
I could mimic other artists, too.
My favorite's (listening to my parent's music at a young age, of course) were The Judds, Dolly Parton and Crystal Gale.
I still carry a soft spot in my heart for 80's country music, and especially for these three (well, four since the Judds are two people) artists.
I wanted so badly to do what they were doing.

In high school, I didn't have the confidence to stand up in front of people and sing.
I'd always been told I was fat.
I'd been told I was ugly.
Singers couldn't be fat and ugly so I just didn't even try.

Then when I got out of high school, I moved away. I still wanted to sing, but had no opportunity to do so.
When, after a long hard year, I came home, the dream still burned inside of me.
But it wasn't until I was 25 years old that I sang semi-professionally.
That was ten years ago.
The venue was Johnnie High's Country Music Review in Arlington, TX.
I sang "Fancy" by Reba McEntyre and, according to Johnnie High himself, I "sang the hell out of that song".
I was bitten.

I recorded a demo.
I traveled North Texas from Mesquite to Ft. Worth to Turkey, TX (home of Bob Wills) and everywhere in between.
There was something about being on stage.
Something about closing my eyes and letting the deepest part of me flow out of my heart through song.
Something about the lights, the sets, the applause.
My goodness . . . The applause was intoxicating.
Then . . . I quit.
I found out I was pregnant and I quit to raise my child.
For a while I did a few Karaoke shows here and there, but never had the glory I did on stage.
Then I got married.
And had another baby.
I decided that my marriage, my children, and my education would take a backseat to my music.
But I missed it.
For ten long years, I've missed it.

I've been praying about it, and I feel that God is leading me to do this again.
So I'm going to make a comeback.
Well, as much of a comeback as a non-famous person CAN make.
I may never be famous, or have a recording contract with RCA.
But that really doesn't bother me.
But I want my children to be proud of me.
I want them to look at me and say: Momma followed her dream.
So, I'm going to go for it.
And wherever God leads me, I will follow.

Miss Independent (Or Not)

This is what just transpired in my kitchen, and what inspired this post:

My daughter (7) decided this morning to make her own bowl of cereal without ANY assistance.

She struggled to pull a chair from the dining room to the kitchen, 

Climbed up the chair 

Losing her beloved "Lambie" on the way

She got the big bag of cereal down

Knocked over a few items on the counter getting down.

She carried the cereal to the table, went back to retrieve the chair.

She went back into the kitchen again to get a plastic bowl.

She brought the bowl into the dining room, opened the new bag of cereal, poured herself a bowl (and overfilled it, spilling some cereal on the floor and table).

She carried the cereal back into the kitchen, to the fridge

Then got the almost-full gallon of milk out one handed.

Grunting she hurried to the counter to put her cereal down, then her milk.

She then proceeded to pour her milk over her cereal - splashing some on the counter and floor.

She then carried her full cereal bowl back to the table, and sat it down gingerly.

She returned to the kitchen to retrieve a spoon.

Then ran into me crying:

"MAAMAAAAAAAA THERE'S NO MORE CLEAN SPOONS!! WAAH!"

*sigh*

So much for Miss Independent . . .