Saturday, May 31, 2008

I don't want to go to bed . . .

I am so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open, but my mind is whirling right now. So many things have gone on over the course of the past 48 hours, that I really don't know what to think.

One the one hand, I don't want to relay the story online b/c of possible reprocussions. On the other it is eating me alive to have all this bottled up inside me. Something so drastic may happen in the near future, if present conditions don't change. And I am scared. I am terrified. I am wanting to cry just thinking about the stress it will put on this family. It is nothing as drastic as losing a home or a car or being bankrupt. But it will put a strain on our home financially as well as emotionally.

I keep praying that God will send us a miracle.

Please pray for us.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Why I Don't Go To Church

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I love my Jesus. We have a very special relationship that I cannot put into words. Every day, I talk to him more than a few times. Sometimes, he gives me what I ask, sometimes he doesn't. But every prayer is heard and every prayer is answered.

It has been said to me (on a web group I am a part of) that I am not a REAL christian. "A REAL christian has to be baptized in the holy spirit and go to church."

Hmph. On a side note, did you know the leading cause of atheism is christians?

John 3:16:
" . . . He who believeth in him shall not perish . . ."

"Only he that were baptized and go to church every sunday . . ."

I don't believe this crap about "you have to go to church" or "you have to be baptized".

I read the bible. I pray. I have GREAT conversations with Christ. I have GREAT conversations ABOUT Christ! I have fellowship with fellow Christians on an almost daily basis. I have no fear regarding my salvation.

So what do I need church for?

I have found, in my personal experience, that 75% of churchgoers are hypocrites, and 9 times out of ten the PASTORS are hypocrites. I don't feel like I have to sit in a room surrounded by hypocrites and be preached to by a hypocrite in order for my soul to go to heaven.

Let me elaborate:

Exapmle one:
Recently (in the past year) I attended an area church. The pastor and his wife preach about gossip and how it is unGodly and how we shouldn't do it b/c it's a road to Hell, yadda yadda yadda.

Recently (in the past week) I saw said pastor and his wife at the local wal-mart. Mrs. Pastor had no problem telling me all the goings on in the church recently - I should say all the goings on of the congregation of the church. "so-and-so is pregnant, did you know she's not married yet?" "so-and-so just went into AA, i didn't even know he drank!" "so and so just got arrested for beating his wife - what's going on in the world today?" and so on so on so forth.

See? The one thing they preach out about the most and they are doing it right in the middle of WAL MART for God's sake!!

Example Two:

A church in Dallas that a friend attended for a long time had a retreat a few years ago in regards to keeping your marriage in tact. One of the seminars, led by the pastor, was about staying faithful to your spouse.

Less than a month later, the pastor's wife kicked him out b/c he was caught in bed with another woman.

Get my point?
Who are YOU to tell me that God doesn't want me to do something, when you are out doing it yourself??

Example 3:

I worked for a church for six years. I found out I was pregnant (I wasn't married) and the church decided to go ahead and keep me on even though it was a "public sin" as long as I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant. (oohh-kaaay). Then 9/11 hit. This church made a decision that would long affect it - even today, five years later. It decided it would hold a layoff.

The four people that were considered the biggest liabilities were laid off.

These people were:
A single mom with a special needs teenage boy.
A single unwed mother 8 months pregnant.
An older woman that had just been in a car accident and was still trying to cope with chronic pain.
A married mother of two small children who's husband had just been laid off.

I ask you, were these people LIABILIIES or the ones in the most NEED?
And this was a church, people!!!

Fact is, I love my Jesus, and I really don't want our relationship tainted, thank you very much, so I will continue to worship in the manner that I have been and fully enjoy that relationship.

By the way, for those "gung ho" in witnessing (I mean FORCEFUL witnessing) -
SHOWING Christ through YOUR actions DOES.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Another Kick In The Butt . . .

I like to say sometimes that God likes to kick me in the butt every now and again to remind me where my spiritual loyalty lies. My hubby's amazing cousin posted this link. For the past ten minutes I have been bawling my eyes out. This wonderful woman went through something that no family should ever have to endure. As I read her story I was amazed by her amazing faith in God. She took this challenge as God giving her an oppertunity to witness to others. Rather than asking "why" she only said "thank you". Eternally grateful for what she HAS rather than being bitter over what she DOESN'T have.

I really need to learn from this woman. I find myself asking "why" all the time. I find myself wanting MORE - always feeling that we don't have what we NEED or that we don't have ENOUGH, when the fact is, we have MORE than enough. We have more that a lot of people. We always have enough food. We have a roof over our head. We have clothes on our back. We have a car. We have friends and family that love us. And we have our children. Rather than whining about not having enough room, or not having enough "stuff" I need to step back and take notice of the beautiful things I do have.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

We're KILLING our children!!

I just got off the phone with my mom. She went to my brother in laws the other day to see the kids. This was after school on a Tuesday or Wednesday. At three o'clock in the afternoon, my niece and nephew were both sitting at the table eating full bowls of MACARONI AND CHEESE WITH SMOKED SAUSAGE as a SNACK!!! And we ain't talkin' small bowls here, kids! My niece is in KINDERGARTEN!!!!! My nephew is in SECOND GRADE!! What in the WORLD is their momma thinking??? That was a snack, know what they were going to have for dinner? Spaghetti and meatballs! I was in awe.

The sad thing is, though, this is the NORM for today's society! I asked a few of my good friends on cafe mom what they fed their children for snacks and I got everything from mac and cheese to pizza!! No WONDER our children are the fattest kids on the planet!

Now, I admit, my kid is overweight. And I take FULL responsibility for that. She's an indoor baby. She loves to watch TV and doesn't get much active time. That is ENTIRELY my fault. BUT she doesn't eat a bowl of macaroni and cheese for snack!! She eats VERY healthy - low fat dairy products, whole grains, fresh or frozen fruits and veggies (well, the ones I can get down her). We rarely have cookies, cakes, pies, cupcakes, brownies, or candy in the house. (that's cause I would eat them all, HA!) But she's just not that active. Again - that's MY fault b/c I am not that active. There's also the fact that I don't feel comfortable with her going out side by herself to play, and I don't feel comfortable taking Jacob outside yet. I need to get over that, b/c she needs to get outside, and so does Jake and so do I for that matter . . .

But I digress . . .

The fact is, we live in a technological age. EVERYTHING is computerized, televised, IPodd'd, YouTube'd, MySpace'd. blogged, or e-booked. EVEN SPORTS, thanks to Nintendo!! But the sad thing is that the technology we so strive for is killing us! We spend hours upon hours in front of a TV or computer screen and wonder how we got to 200 pounds. We forget to go play catch with our kids in the backyard and wonder why our FIVE year old is 70 pounds! I guess it's up to us to make a decision that could impact the world. Get away from the computer, the TV, the PSP, the Walkman, the TIVO or WHATEVER and GO PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS!! Don't have any? Go borrow some! I'm sure you know a mom or two that will HAPPILY lend you theirs for an hour or two!

As for me? I'm going to go play with my children and my husband in the backyard until bedtime!!

It's Too Freakin' Early

So my wonderful infant son wakes up at 6 freakin' 30 this morning. No worries, I was just going to change him and give him a bottle and crawl back into bed to snuggle with hubby until everyone else wakes up at around 8:30. WISHFUL THINKING. Who should I hear come up behind me (talking almost as loud as possible) - my step son. I love my kids - all of them weather I gave birth to them or not. But I had NO intention of being awake at 6:30 this morning, nor did I have any intention of STAYING awake. But, of course, Jake decided "no bottle for me, momma - Garrett's up - it's time to PLAY". So here it is, roughly 8:05 my time and I have been up for an hour and a half on a Saturday on Memorial Day weekend. Niiice . . . (catch the sarcasm there?)

On the bright side, now I have an excuse to wake hubby up at 8:30 (if the loud children don't wake him first). I plan on getting this house CLEAN this weekend. Not just a little clean. I mean CLEAN clean. The I-can-eat-off-my-countertops-without-being-afraid-of-a-staph-infection clean. If I have to be the only one cleaning this weekend - it WILL happen. I am tired of the mess and the filth. For every five things I pick up, seventeen more remain. And MOST of it isn't even mine!! So I have decided we are going to become minimalists. Yup. Nothing I don't need is staying. I am holding on to a few baby items for my hubby's pregnant cousin (we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet) but other than that - everything not necessary to life in our household is GOING. I hope . . .

Friday, May 23, 2008

Summer in the midst . . .

I love Summer. I really do. But I get so worried. Am I going to be able to handle Emily and Jake 24-7 and NOT lose my sanity? Not to mention the weeks that we are going to have Garrett and Christin in towe. I love my kids. All four of them. But I am so worried that I am going to want to kill them by the time school starts again!

Even today, Garrett and Christin are out of school today, so we have them until Monday. They are every so slightly starting to drive me banannas. Christin is helping a lot with Jake, but Garrett can't seem to NOT be argumentative with everyone - including me.

I have a TON of cleaning to do. My house looks like four tornadoes, a hurricane, and a land-fill hit it. My kitchen is not just nasty - its NAAAAASSSSTYYY . . . I have stuff on the walls and cabinets that I never noticed before Ronnie pointed it out to me. Hopefully this summer will bring control. I have to control the clutter and not let it control me!

So this summer should be interesting. I just hope I don't become the wicked step-mother!

By the way - Jacob sat up all by himself this past week! It was the coolest thing. Now, he'll yell ("Eh!!!") and make sure SOMEONE is watching him before he pushes up onto his tushie. Then he'll smile and go "Yeeeeah!!" and clap. LOL. He's so fun. I love having a baby again!