Marriage Minded Monday: Time Together

Do you spend time with your spouse? Let me rephrase that. Do you MAKE time to spend with your spouse?
Are you one of those couples that lead different lives and only sleep in the same bed (occasionally).

There are couples who have no choice but to be apart - one may be a soldier, or a driver, or work on a pipeline.
But what about those couples that live together all the time?

One of the fundamental foundations of a good relationship is getting to know your spouse. The only way to do that is by spending time together. Watch a movie together, read to each other, or just sit across the table from each other and talk.

You might find out something interesting about your spouse that you never knew before.

Don't think you have anything in common with your partner? Try a compromise - one night a week you do what one of you wants and one night do what the other wants. You might discover a new love of a hobby, a musical or film genre, or art.

For example, before my husband and I were married, you would not have caught me on a small manned watercraft. Especially one without sides and with the potential of going 30 mph + on a lake. Then he introduced me to our Hobie 16' Catamarand:

Isn't it beautiful??

Now, I CRAVE this boat. I LONG to ride for hours! 

And as for my husband, I brought to him a love of different exotic and healthy foods. His whole life had been fried, creamed, cheesed, and fat. I taught him to love quinoa and to TOLERATE (lol) asparagus.

Make some time today to spend with your spouse - just the two of you, together. You may find it makes all the difference in your relationship!

Today I'm linking up with my friend Nan's Making Your Home Sing Monday! 

Run to her blog (Mom's The Word) NOW and check it out!!

Marriage-Minded Monday - The Importance of Communication

Each Monday I will be talking about marriage and home-and-hearth.

I have learned men's greatest secret.

Are you ready for this ladies?

*men are not mind readers*

I know that comes as quite a shock, doesn't it?

But it's true.

One of the largest complaints I hear from my female friends about their husbands is:

"He never does _____" or "He ALWAYS does _______"

And then go on to say:

"He KNOWS it bothers me!"

But, does he?

Does he REALLY?

Have you TOLD him it bothers you?

"No, but he should know!"

How can someone know it bothers you if you don't tell him?

Believe it or not, many divorces have been finalized over such.

Another example comes straight out of my own marriage:

"Honey did you remember that we're going to ______ today?"
"Uh . . . No, you never told me."
"Yes, I'm sure I did! We have to leave in five minutes and drive over three hours and we both need showers and get the kids ready!!"

"You never told me!"

"I'm sure I did! We also have to stop and buy a wedding gift!"

"YOU NEVER TOLD ME!"

This one happens more than I'd like to admit in my house.

*dramatized to get the point across*

Communication is the number one key to a happy, joyful marriage.

If something is bothering you, you NEED to tell your spouse - weather it's something they did or something else in the world that's been weighing on your heart.

If you're having problems talking to your spouse, you should look at why:

Do you fear their response?

Do you fear YOUR response?

Do you harbor resentments?

If any of these are an issue for you, take a deep breath and say a prayer. Then when you discuss your problem, be sure to do so at a time when you're both in decent moods. Sit down in an uninterrupted time, and make a promise to each other to not use harsh words or yelling. When you're talking about your issue, do not bring up issues of the past - they have nothing to do with the issue at hand. And remember to LISTEN as much as you talk - your spouse wants to be heard too, and I'm sure they have a few things on their mind they'd like to share as well!

Another solution - one that's good for the entire family - is something called a "gripe book" or a "communication journal" - it's for every family member to write down things that have bothered them during the week - then once a week the entire family sits down and talks about the book. The rules are - no retaliations, no arguments, no accusations, especially at the round table.

If you find that you are STILL having problems communicating, it may be time to talk to your pastor, priest, or a marriage counselor. But keep in mind the more you talk, the easier it becomes.

God and Housework . . . ?

I went back to "Sink Reflections" last night, and read Marla's take on marriage. Then I read it again, to make sure I really understood the message. The jist of it is (what I get out of it anyway) is that we CAN do it all, we just have to stop thinking that everyone has to do "their fair share".  In other words - if it's not getting done, just do it yourself. I need to go back and re-read this message periodically.  I'm notorious for using the words "It's not MY mess" and "Well, if they're not going to clean, I'm not . . . ".  Of course, I've gotten much better about that over the past few months and realized that I can't EXPECT them to do it. No, it SHOULDN'T all be on my shoulders, but most days if I don't do it, it won't get done.

So, I need to take a deep breath and forget when DH forgets to take the trash out - just pack it up and take it myself.  And I need to forgive when DD doesn't clean her room - just grab a trash bag and get after it.  The point I'm trying to make is this - if you are a wife and mother, and especially if you are a stay at home mom, more falls on your shoulders.  That's just the way it is.

If you want to look at it from a biblical standpoint, Titus 2:4-5 says "Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Proverbs 31 speaks of the Noble Wife throughout. Verse 13 says "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands". Proverbs 31:15 "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." And verse 17 "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." And 27 "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." The point I am trying to make here is that we should be looking at it all as a blessing to our families and to God.

It is for God that we wash the dishes.  It is for God that we make the beds.  It is for God that we vacuum, mop, scrub, wipe, and plan. It is for God that we raise our children. If we go through our days with God in our hearts and minds, then the "details" about who's doing the work (us) is forgotten.

Two Years . . . and counting!

I ment to post this the other day, but life (as usual) has been crazy!!:

Just over three years ago, I met a wonderful man. He had two children, didn't mind that I had a child, and was a musician. We started talking, and became friends. Briefly. Then, he and I met face to face for the first time. The next day, we had lunch. The night after that, we had our first date - and our first kiss. I felt butterflies in my stomach that I had never felt before. From that day forward, we were almost inseperable. We saw each other almost every day after that - and didn't spend more than two days away from each other. Three months later we were engaged.

Two years ago, on the anniversary of our first date, my father walked me down the aisle to meet this man face-to-face. Well, pulled is a more accurate description. I remember how handsome I thought he looked in his black suit. And how cute and nervous he looked. I remember thinking how much I loved him and was so thankful for him. And how I couldn't wait to be his wife.

As we took our vows, I was close to tears. I had resigned myself years before to the fact that I may be alone for the rest of my life. I focused on my daughter and my education. I never thought God had someone in mind for me. But He did. And I stood before him in awe of my love for him and his for me. When he took my hand to put the ring on my finger, I felt the same butterflies in my stomache from our first kiss. I loved him so much - more than I had ever loved any man I had ever known.

Almost a year later, we welcomed the birth of our child together. We now had four children - our family was complete. And I looked at him as he held our son for the first time, and the butterflies were back.

Now, it's been two years since our wedding day and just over a year since our son was born. I looked at him the other night - our anniversary - and felt those silly butterflies again. I snuggled into him as we sat on the couch watching TV. Thanking God for him.

I love my husband so much. And I praise God every day for bringing him to me!