Monday, June 27, 2011

Marriage-Minded Monday - The Importance of Communication

Each Monday I will be talking about marriage and home-and-hearth.
I have learned men's greatest secret.
Are you ready for this ladies?
*men are not mind readers*
I know that comes as quite a shock, doesn't it?
But it's true.

One of the largest complaints I hear from my female friends about their husbands is:
"He never does _____" or "He ALWAYS does _______"

And then go on to say:
"He KNOWS it bothers me!"

But, does he?
Does he REALLY?

Have you TOLD him it bothers you?
"No, but he should know!"

How can someone know it bothers you if you don't tell him?
Believe it or not, many divorces have been finalized over such.

Another example comes straight out of my own marriage:
"Honey did you remember that we're going to ______ today?"
"Uh . . . No, you never told me."
"Yes, I'm sure I did! We have to leave in five minutes and drive over three hours and we both need showers and get the kids ready!!"
"You never told me!"
"I'm sure I did! We also have to stop and buy a wedding gift!"
This one happens more than I'd like to admit in my house.
*dramatized to get the point across*

Communication is the number one key to a happy, joyful marriage.
If something is bothering you, you NEED to tell your spouse - weather it's something they did or something else in the world that's been weighing on your heart.

If you're having problems talking to your spouse, you should look at why:
Do you fear their response?
Do you fear YOUR response?

Do you harbor resentments?

If any of these are an issue for you, take a deep breath and say a prayer. Then when you discuss your problem, be sure to do so at a time when you're both in decent moods. Sit down in an uninterrupted time, and make a promise to each other to not use harsh words or yelling. When you're talking about your issue, do not bring up issues of the past - they have nothing to do with the issue at hand. And remember to LISTEN as much as you talk - your spouse wants to be heard too, and I'm sure they have a few things on their mind they'd like to share as well!

Another solution - one that's good for the entire family - is something called a "gripe book" or a "communication journal" - it's for every family member to write down things that have bothered them during the week - then once a week the entire family sits down and talks about the book. The rules are - no retaliations, no arguments, no accusations, especially at the round table.

If you find that you are STILL having problems communicating, it may be time to talk to your pastor, priest, or a marriage counselor. But keep in mind the more you talk, the easier it becomes.


courtney said...

Great post, Jen! And it's sooo true! Love your new Monday discussion topic!

SuperMom Blues said...

Thanks, Court! I'd been wanting to do this one for a while!

Sharon said...

I So Agree with you Jen! You have to have communication in a relationship. The same as friendship. Anything you can talk to your best friends with, you should be able to share and talk to your husband with. <3 the Topic!