Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Honoring Your Husbands

You see it all over the internet.
Women complaining about their husbands.
Talking about their misgivings.
Making remark after remark about how their husband's never do anything around the house, or don't help with the children, or go have a beer after work or leave their laundry on the floor ... and much more.
This happens on twitter, facebook, blogger, in forums, and in person.
And it's a constant that many women do without even thinking about it.

The bible tells us over and again that wives are to "submit" to our husbands and to "revere" them. Honoring our husbands is biblical truth.

When I have a Christian friend complain to me about her husband or her marriage, my first question to her is always, "Have you submitted to your husband?" More often than not, they balk at that idea. "Submission" is not a modern ideal for women. But if your Christian marriage isn't working, perhaps that is the problem.

When we speak ill of our husbands, especially in public, it is not only disrespectful but it is not biblical. In doing so, you are neither honoring nor submitting to your husband. This is something that I have had on my heart for some time, so today I'm going to talk to you about ways that you can get over it, submit and honor your husband.

1) Ask his opinion on major life decisions. Should you buy that house? What about that car? What does he think about you quitting your day job and being a stay at home mom? Where does he stand on your desire to homeschool?

2) LISTEN and RESPECT his thoughts on things. Don't just say "mmm-hmm" then go back to what you were doing and do whatever you want anyway. Actively listen. Ask questions about why he feels the way he does. If you don't agree with each other, what compromise can you come to? And if it's something he is strongly convicted too ...

3) Be prepared to let him have the final say. That's right. You might have to relinquish control over something.

4) Compromise. Yes. That means you just might have to make a sacrifice. But so will he. You both will be giving something up, but you will also both be gaining something. It's a win-win.

5) Communicate. Contrary to popular belief, men are not mind readers. I love my husband, but when it comes to my thoughts he's pretty clueless. That means that if I'm upset or irritated about something, if I don't tell him he won't know! If I hate that ratty t-shirt and I don't say anything about it, there is no way he's going to know. If he said something hurtful and I don't tell him about it, it won't fix the situation at all! That being said ...

6) Sometimes it's best to let things go. Constantly being mad at your husband over something little and insignificant is not conducive to a happy Christian marriage. So he leaves something on the floor? Either ask him to pick it up or do it yourself. Either way, it gets done.

7) Don't say mean things to or about him in public. Publicly chastising your husband only accomplishes one thing - it makes him feel like crap (pardon the expression).

8) Do nice things, just because EVEN WHEN HE DOESN'T. Because, believe me, eventually HE WILL. Yes. I am speaking from experience.

9) Pray with him and for him. Every day. Invest in a couple's bible study. Lift each other up spiritually.

10) And this is a biggie and may be one of the hardest: FORGIVE HIM. When he does something stupid, when he hurts you, when he leaves his whiskers in the sink or his socks on the floor. When he yells at the kids or forgets to pay a bill. When he doesn't take out the trash ... FORGIVE HIM.

11) Spend time getting to know him. Talk to him. Sit with him and enjoy a tv show - even if it's one you don't like. Renew that spark that got you interested in the first place.

12) Remember why you married him in the first place. There was a reason you agreed to walk down the aisle with your husband. What was it? What attracted you to him in the start? What made you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Think about it - is that reason still there?

Marriage is hard. It's not supposed to be easy. If it were, then everyone would be doing it and the divorce rate would be at a zero (ironically after reading this to my husband, his response was "Marriage isn't hard! At least, not for me!" Ah ... My work here is done ...). But the bottom line is this, we, as wives, have a certain responsibility to our husbands. In some cases, we are the ones carrying our marriages for years. But if we press on and remember that GOD should always come first, then things will, over time, improve.

Please note though that if your husband is abusive to you or your children, is continually unfaithful to you, or is involved in illegal activity, it is biblically sound to not stay in that relationship . If you are in a situation like this, please call and get help from someone.


mklaura said...


Faith Santini said...

I am christian. I read this when you first published and I watched your warnings as you prepared it. Submit is a very mistaken word and I do believe that the bible speaks of literal submittance. I find your article more about honoring your husband not bashing him on social media and letting him be a man.If a person gets past the submitting part I believe they will be able to brush their feathers back down and find time tested values on how a marriage lasts.

Faith Santini said...