Hmmm . . . I need some chocolate.

Okay so I have come to terms with the fact that I am fat. Not just fat. I am FAT. I gross myself out. Thank God I have Ronnie in my life rather than some shallow guy that wants a stick insect for a wife. Sometimes I wonder how he crawls into bed with me . . .

So I have made a choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I make this choice once every couple of months, but this time I really MEAN IT!! Beginning with my next shopping trip, my family and I will be "clean eaters". No red meat. Very little chicken. Lots of fish, veggies, and fruits. A few whole grains - NO refined ANYTHING . . . I am even thinking very seriously about omitting dairy. Now, I know that would send Ronnie into shock, so I am thinking very hard about weather I want to go that route or not . . .

Theres a TV show on BBC America called "you are what you eat". The woman who does this show is named Gillian McKeith. Although I don't have this channel (yet) I have become addicted to this show. I went to this web site and printed out all the recipes. I am a little frightened, though. She uses things like star fruit and soy milk and courgettes - I don't even know what the heck a courgette is! And I know some of this stuff I can't even get in America, much less Bowie!! So, what's a girl to do? Well, I am going to buy fresh veggies out the wazoo, low sodium boullion, fresh fruits, fish, and soy cheese (I'm gonna try it, although I doubt the stuff they sell at Bowie Wal-Mart is going to be worth poop) . . . I am going to TRY to limit my soda intake (I drink diet coke all day. I'm going to try to limit them to three a day . . . note I said TRY on this one . . .) and drink more water, I will cook chicken once or twice a week - only when the kids are here, and even then, I will probably eat something else. I will try to stay as far away from red meat as I can . . . Although I can have chocolate!! Dark chocolate - the darker the better. Good thing I LIKE dark chocolate!

*sigh*

Poor Ronnie . . . He DID say he didn't mind eating vegitarian occasionally . . .

I hope this works. If not, the next step? Lap Band . . . ugh . . .